dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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