We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
