My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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