I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
