i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
