I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
