He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
