it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
