We're facebook friends in real life
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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