I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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