i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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