the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
