Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
