No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
