the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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