I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
How's work?
Spinning.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
