I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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