this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
