i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
