Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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