i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
