Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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