Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
