I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
