I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
