then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
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