Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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