She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
