i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
