sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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