sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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