Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
