Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
