I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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