I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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