on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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