He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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