I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
