I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
God I need to hump something, right now.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
