apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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