no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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