I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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