i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
