if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
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I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
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We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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