Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
