I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
