i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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