everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
