hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
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Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
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Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I did not marry a roomba.
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