I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
