so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
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She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
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he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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