Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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