I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Randomize
