On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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