No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize