Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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