her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
