Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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