How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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