my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
