new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
