By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
