he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
