alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
