well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
