so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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