You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
