Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
